Are you pregnant and single? Do you have young children and you’re recently divorced? Do you get lonely and sad thinking about where life’s road lead you? I am here to tell you you’re not alone.
According to singlemothersguide.com, 4 out of 10 children are born to unwed mothers, and two-thirds of children were born to women under the age of 30 in 2013. In 2014, the US Census Bureau found that out of 12 million single families surveyed, single mothers accounted for 80% of those families. That’s 9.6 million mothers, living in the United States, feeling similar feelings you do; alone, having a difficult time doing what is best for yourself and your child or children, wishing for more flexibility in your life and definitely more you time. Maybe sometimes you even blame yourself for your circumstances.
It can be difficult to give yourself fully to your children when emotionally and physically you feel a hole in your heart, or a desire for greatness that you want so badly to obtain, but the vehicle of getting there seems too out of reach. Here are a couple pieces of advice I can offer you, to assist you on your journey back to happiness, where you feel no regrets or need to be destructive towards yourself.
You are Not Alone
As I mentioned above, there are 9.6 million women in your exact circumstance, taking care of a child or children without the support of a partner. Allow yourself to cry every now and then, because you are experiencing an obstacle in your life that is real and true. Don’t dismiss your feelings, just let them flow, recognize their presence and then let them go.
Seek Outside Support
Like most single mothers, you are working hard in order to provide for your little ones, which doesn’t always give you lots of time to go to support groups. Luckily, there are tons of virtual support groups that you can join online, specifically through Facebook. Here are three I highly recommend that are active.
Single Sisters, Single Mothers
Single Mothers Raising Boys Discussion Group
No meeting times for you to struggle to make. You can just reach out to women who understand where you’re coming from. You can ask them questions and most of the time someone will reply within 24 hours.
Handling Nighttime Loneliness
When work is done, your kids are fed and they’re fast asleep, you are then left with yourself. What can come up during this time can be painful. Those reoccurring thoughts of, “I did this to myself, I made him leave me,” “I just want someone to help me through this,” “I feel like I have no one who can understand my pain,” or “If I tell anyone how I am feeling, they will think I’m selfish.” These are all normal thoughts that can be disruptive to your wellbeing, when they aren’t dealt with in a healthy way. Here are a couple ways you can handle these emotions and come out of it feeling more satisfied and at peace.
- Read a book you love.
- Make a happy list of things you did that day that brought you joy. Even if they are small things, they will still make you feel better, I promise.
- Start a blog about your experience as a single mother. Your words could be a source of comfort for single mothers all over the world. Plus, it’s therapeutic to get your thoughts out on paper. Many other single mothers have started blogs that have become very successful. Here are two to check out- http://mssinglemama.com and http://www.single-momnation.com.
- Do chores around the house to tire yourself out. It will keep your mind busy.
- Watch a movie that you know you’ll enjoy. Your time matters.
- Take a bath, give yourself a facial or do your nails. All those things can make you feel good and girly too.
Plan For you and your Baby’s Future
Are you interested in going on a girl’s weekend in the coming months and you need to plan to get a babysitter? Do you want to take your son or daughter on an adventure you know they will enjoy? Maybe you want to start dating in the coming year, and you’re looking for the best online dating website to join. These are all exciting possibilities that take a bit of planning to achieve. Planning for the future can be a lot fun and I highly recommend it as a great before bedtime activity, to keep you positive and moving forward.
Surround yourself with Good Friends and Family
Everyone’s lives are busy and it may be easy to think my friends and family know I am having a tough time, they should call me or come over to see how I am. Unfortunately, your friends and family aren’t mind readers, meaning, you need to be the one to reach out and tell them what you need. If they are good friends and family, they will be there for you, no matter what that looks like. And In the end, you’ll be happier.
Hope this post gave you a couple tools to use when days feel tough and difficult to get through. Just remember, you are not alone.
At Villa Majella, we strive to instill a strong sense of self-esteem in the mothers who come through our doors. If you are homeless, in need of housing and support, you are not alone, we are here for you.